“Mom! You’re ignoring me and not paying attention to what I’m saying. I need an answer.” “What? I’m sorry. You need an answer for what?”
“For what I just told you about. You should answer me when I ask you for help.”
Whoa. Hold the phone. Those are some mighty strong accusations and assumptions coming from the peanut gallery! The thing is, it wasn’t just ‘one of those days’- it had been several of them stacked on top of each other. Multiple frustrations. Multiple concerns. My mind was a fog, my heart was heavy and there were too many irons in the fire for me to even keep up with.
I know you know the feeling: I can’t even. I can’t even…begin to put words on how I’m feeling. I can’t even…muster a smile today.I can’t even…explain the chaos that takes place in this world. In my world.I can’t even…pretend to be ok.
So I asked my justifiably upset little girl, “Is it like me to not respond to you?”
“Then next time, why don't you ask me if I heard you? You can even take it a step further and gently point out that I’m not responding to you and ask if everything’s ok. Because everything's not ok. Sometimes, even Mommies have rough days.”
Here’s the kicker: Mommies have rough days, leaders have rough days, people in ministry have rough days, friends have rough days, we all have rough days. Unfortunately, we even have rough seasons. But this I know: there is not one day or one season that changes without Gods mighty hand at work. "When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by." (Exodus 33:22)
cleft: noun [kleft] definition: 1. a space or opening made by or as if by splitting, 2. split or sever (something), esp. along a natural line or grain, 3. make a way through (something) forcefully, as if by splitting it apart
Essentially, a cleft does two things: protects and severs. It’s a place that God takes us to show us Himself. It’s a place that requires us to recognize what’s inside of us that can’t stand in the glory of God. You might get cut. You might get squeezed. It might be uncomfortable, but it WILL be worth it. Here’s something we can take to the spiritual bank: when God moves us out of our comfort zone, He’s up to something. Sometimes He needs to move us to those uncomfortable, secret places so that He can show us what it truly means to give and receive the glory of God. We can’t give what we haven't received and we most certainly can’t receive when there’s something God needs us to give Him.
So when you think, “I can’t even…” You’re right, you can’t. We were never meant to do anything apart from Him.
God’s glory: It’s not about us. It's really not. It’s about what He does in us and through us so that our hearts reflect His.
I can’t even…and Im so thankful I can’t.