Disheartened. Have you ever felt it?It’s the feeling of trying out for the team and not making it. Like being the girl that wasn’t asked to the dance or interviewing for your dream job and being told, “no, thank you.” It’s the emotion that can cause us to question if we’re even in the will of God at all. We’ve all had that dreadful, sinking feeling in our heart. It seems to come partnered with a certain fear that our dreams might be going down with it. It’s not a good feeling and it comes with question marks- lots of them:
Do you really have a plan for me? Have I completely missed your calling? Where do I fit in? Did I do something wrong? Is there anything inside of me you CAN use? Why am I constantly overlooked?
We question ourselves into a corner and then feel like we’ve been put into a spiritual "time out"…I’ve done it more times than I care to admit. All the while, God is patiently waiting by the sideline, ready to answer; just waiting to be heard.
In Matthew 22, the Sadducees and Pharaisees are relentlessly questioning Jesus and challenging not only his authority, but his identity. People questioned who he was, what he had to say and every move he made. He always had an accuser and faced incredibly painful rejection. Can you relate to that? Those who respond to mighty callings will also have to respond mighty opposition. So he asks them point blank, “What do you think about the Christ? Whose Son is He?" This was almost identical to the question Jesus asked His disciples in Matthew 16:13-15 (Who do you say that I am?). Jesus confronted the ones against him as well as the ones for him with the need to decide who He was.
“...and from that day on no one dared to ask Him any more questions.” (Matthew 22:46)
The Pharisees needed to be put in their place and the disciples needed the reminder. The same is true for us. When we question God, we need one of the two.
When our hearts are hurting, we are faced with a question: who do I say He is? Is He my Savior? The one I can trust? Is He the one who opens and closes doors for me and always has my best interest at heart? Is the Lord of heaven and earth also the Lord of my circumstances? We live in a perfectly imperfect world full of perfectly imperfect people. Hurt people, hurt people. Rejected people, reject people. Inconsiderate people, don’t consider people. And chances are, you’ve been on the receiving end. The good news is: God’s power flows from our most powerless moments. He is completely aware of our hearts and desires to be the complete Lord of them. Perhaps instead of questioning our present reality, we should ask: what do you want to teach me in this moment? How can I emerge from this with a better understanding of who you are? Lord, use our pain to set fire to our passions.